the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
