whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
