Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
