I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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