So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
