hotel room ftw
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm just crazy horny about you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize