i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
