i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
