he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
