you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
