I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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