They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
