Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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