Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
