you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
