There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
