He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
