Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
as a side note pls kill me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
