he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
