Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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