they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize