My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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