Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
