I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
