Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
