Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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