when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
