We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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