Kiss
Puke
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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