1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
