MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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