I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
where am i from again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize