i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
