I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
