I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
