dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
