when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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