I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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