Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
