Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
