Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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