All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize