Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
