i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
