ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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