What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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