im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
