I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
