this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
