When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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