The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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