Swine flu is the new snow day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
