I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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