Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
