Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
