he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
