just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
