Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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