So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
