You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
