She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
