So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
