I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
