I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
