Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just pynch a tree in the face
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
