i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
