my phone needs a breathalizer
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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