My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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