Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
