His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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