i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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