I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
