I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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