So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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