My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
