i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
