I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think your dad took our porno
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
