I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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