you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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