So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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