Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
