the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
