There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
