mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
