True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Someone came in the potted fern
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize