Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
