My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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