i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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