he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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