hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
