Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
