i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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