somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
