Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
