All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
