Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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