I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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