And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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