PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
