please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
