I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
