we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
